Families - Whose Job is it to Choose What is on the Menu?

I believe that we are born knowing how to eat. Babies eat when they're hungry. And they turn away from mama’s milk when they're full, but society’s expectations can negatively interfere with this beautiful innate knowledge as children grow.

Intuitive eating is about reconnecting with hunger signals and indications of contentedness (I’m not espousing feelings of fullness as you have overeaten if you have landed on fullness). Intuitive eating also embraces choosing from a wide variety of foods that satiate and gratify our energy needs.

Intrinsic feeding involves checking in and noticing if you are actually physically hungry. Many adults I work with aren't sure what hunger feels like because they've become so accustomed to eating by the clock or when society tells them to.

People often tell me that a headache, irritability, low energy, brain fog, and tiredness indicate that they are physically hungry. These symptoms all point to waiting too long to eat. Deferring eating for too long can lead to feeling desperate, making unhealthful choices, and overeating.

Let’s start young and allow our children to listen to their bodies and look for intuitive clues. Let them learn by experimentation. This takes patience and time. And it circles back to how I work with adults - we must take little breaks to check in with what our body actually needs. Does it need water, a short rest, to breathe deeper, or does it require food?

A child can learn how to listen and respond appropriately to their appetite regulation signals – and we can trust them to do this by offering them a range of foods (what), in a harmonious location (where) and in a reliable eating environment (when). For the anxious parent of a picky eater, the idea of handing over control of something that is so important – ultimately their child’s nourishment and health – can be really hard. Having been there, I can relate.

Honor your role as the parent, allowing yourself to choose what food is served when it is served, and where it is served. It’s as simple as that. Your child has the responsibility of whether to eat and how much to eat.

To begin and to stop eating is a complex process. Appetite regulation, perception of hunger and satiety, eating behavior, and food preferences all play a role.

Talk with your children from a young age, and if you haven’t done this, do it now no matter their age. Offer them nutritious meals and snacks (what) and stay strong with when they are given. Little ones are busy; busy doing and growing and need food for fuel more often than adults and it is our job to temper and teach this by provided food in a timely matter. Be prepared, have food available for them before they get over-hungry. The where part of the equation relates to the environment in which your child is encouraged to eat. Just like us, children cannot tune into their intuitive cues on satiety if they are distracted by TV, social media, or eating on the go. It’s beautiful to talk at mealtimes, to encourage chewing and eating in a relaxed seat, discussing the textures, the temperatures, the colours of the food offered.

🥕 Sometimes a child will pile too much food on their plate or sometimes they may take too little.

🍐 Sometimes a child will eat to discomfort and sometimes they will eat too little and feel hungry soon after.

🍳 Sometimes a child will get it right and walk away from a meal feeling pretty comfortable ready to focus on something else non-food related.

🥒 Sometimes they will get it wrong and might go looking for more food.

🍤 Sometimes they get their familiar favourite food and sometimes they will be challenged by a food that they are still learning to eat and enjoy.

This is okay… if they eat too little they will be asking for food soon after the meal and this is when you can talk about how food options give us energy for different lengths of time. If they pile food on their plates and eat too much, this is a great opportunity to talk about not waiting too long to eat or about how much or if they chose to eat when you offered food previously - when you offered a snack at 2 pm and they chose not to eat it and now at 5 pm their eyes were bigger than their appetite. If it is a toddler, you can then remind yourself to perhaps offer the meal a little earlier.

To be able to trust their bodies, our children have to be able to trust their appetite - at meals and with the inclusion of snacks. Many adults haven't been allowed to go through this process and are now struggling because of it.

Remember I am suggesting that the parent is responsible for WHAT, WHERE, and WHEN – A child doesn't have free reign to eat whatever they want. What they eat is up to the parent. When we allow the child to decide WHETHER and HOW MUCH, it's of what the parent (you) have offered.

If you enjoyed reading my thoughts on intuitive eating for both adults and children, stay connected for the whole series on “Children, Food, Success and Struggles”💫